Yeah Yeah Yeah… I’m 2 days late, what the hell are you chumps going to do about it? Send a single passive aggressive GIF… Nice Try Geoff, you only got two responses to that. I got 10x as many checks to a website without an updated post yesterday morning… I almost gave myself a bye week, but just couldn’t bear the thought of all your sad faces, like kids waking up Christmas morning and Santa didn’t come.. Thanksgiving came and went, I’m 5 lbs heavier and a step slower, and this week I worked more than most people in Greece work in a year. But on the bright side, theres only 2 weeks left in the regular season. And once the playoffs start I’m not ranking any of you sad losers (yep, calling myself a loser) who missed the big show. Anyways, its matchup week:
*Clinched Playoffs
#1: Drop your Mike’s (9-3)* vs #7 So Sticky it Hurts (6-6) CBS Morning Game
First of all – congrats to me. The reverse Jinx worked and Jeremy finally lost. Our first matchup of the week has some serious playoff implications. If the good Dr. loses this week he risks falling out of one of the two bye spots, and if Scoones can’t get it done, his playoff window closes for good. So let’s get down to brass tacks (I bet a lot of you thought the expression was brass tax – but it’s not, it derives from furniture making in the 1800s, but we just don’t have time for me to teach you about the history of American colloquialisms.) Mikes is banged up at WR, but Sticky had a rough start with a bagel from his TE on Thursday night. I think Hurts, Jones, and Jefferson goes off and Deshaun has a horrible first start.
Prediction: Sticky over Mikes
#2: Kupp and down (9-3)* vs #4 Can we Re-Draft (8-4) Sunday Night Football
Our GAME OF THE WEEK: Two playoff bound teams battling for position. As mentioned previously, a W here and Soroush locks down a bye and a real shot at the regular season champion. Re-draft practically has the playoffs clinched (97% according to the almighty ESPN), but has less of a path to the bye week. Re-draft is 7th in points scored and has just been Mr. Consistency all year, never scoring below 80 or above 124.5. He’s got a few tough decisions this week as well – start Lamar against a tough Denver D in a game that will be over by half, or Trick or Treat Trevor in a likely shootout. He might also consider benching Najee, who has only scored over 12 1 time this year. Soroush has literally no decisions to make.
Prediction: Re-draft over Kupp
#3: Low Tee (7-5) vs #5 The Van Buren Boys (8-4) Monday Night Football
TVBB broke my heart in putting up a big # against Jack last week, but we will get to that in a moment. For right now, let’s focus on the ever surging Low Tee. A lot of you laughed at me when I had the balls to put Low Tee at #6 in the Week 9 Rankings. They were 3-5 at the time, and coming off consecutive losses. Since then, they’ve ripped off 4 Wins in a row with over 115 in each of those weeks. TVBB had a nice start to the week with 18.7 out of Diggs on Thursday night, and right now the espn model sees the match as a dead heat. But they don’t know that Jamison has picked up Foster Moreau… I actually didn’t know that either until i started writing this and looked at Jamo’s roster, and I don’t think it means anything but it rhymed. Anyways, TVBB has a 97% chance of making the playoffs, which means they have a 3% chance to miss. The path to accomplishing that starts with a big big week from Low Tee
Prediction: Low Tee over TVBB
#6: Jonathan’s Legends (7-5) vs #8 Three & Outs (5-7) Fox PM Game of the Week
A lot of REALLY good matchups this week! The dream isn’t dead for 3&Outs but it’s on life support. An absolute requirement in that path is to beat Legends this week. Jack didn’t have a terrible week last week, but just didn’t get a breakout performance from one of his backfield studs. Legends on the other hand has had improving performances for 3 weeks in a row (all W’s) and is basically making me look stupid for proclaiming him dead during Blazers week. This is going to be our closest matchup of the week, I love Chubb as He who shall not be named returns to football, and JT is going to get a ton of carries against a Dallas team with terrific pass coverage. On the other side, I don’t love King Henry against Philly, but know that I’m still rooting for you Bigs.
Prediction: Legends 117 over 3&Outs 114.5
#9: Okweugbunam Lowes (5-7) vs #10 Nasty Nick (3-9) NFL Network
Our only completely meaningless matchup of the week (I think) I don’t see a scenario where Nasty falls to last place and OK has just a 3% chance to make the playoffs. Its 10:45PM on Saturday night, and I don’t think anyone is gunna fault me for not scrutinizing these two teams rosters.
Prediction: Nasty over OK
#11: I don’t Gano What I’m Doing (3-9) vs #Sad Drank (2-10) 2 minutes on Redzone and only if an RBs pants fall off as he scored a TD
Have I already clinched ranker for next year? I haven’t technically, but even a W here doesn’t do a whole lot for me. This has been just as horrible and fun of a punishment as the time that Commish and I had to to a naked lap around the AirB&B at Hortsch’s Bachelor party because we got skunked in drinking games. Anyways, I look forward to doing this again next year
Prediction: Gano over Sad
PICKS OF THE WEEK (Brought to you by the Sigma Chi Alumni Golf Tournament – Sign up Everyone!) – Soroush this advertising spot usually sells for $1000, so I’m gunna assume this waives my tournament fee.
No Lock or Upset of the week as I already picked each matchup
NFL Spread (8-3): First of all – can I get some love for going 3 for 3 on Turkey Day. I hope you all call your bookies and make money tomorrow:
LA Chargers +2.5 over Vegas Raiders
Go Ducks Go Power Rankings 
Leave a comment