Week 11 Rankings

So I have a confession to make, Elon didn’t actually call me. I know, you are all shocked, but the reality is that it was 10PM last night when I finished doing the things that I actually get paid to do and I just didn’t feel like starting this process. So this week is going to be a bit shorter and sweeter, but I promise I’ll come roaring back for Turkey Day (Post Thursday morning before a day full of football, turkey, and beer).

#1: Drop your Mike’s (8-2)

I said last week that this was probably still the best team and I wasn’t wrong. Commish got to the the standings and absolutely freaked out, but we’ll talk about that more in a minute. The Dr. even added some swagger to his team this week, with male model Jimmy G under center. He better hope Jimmy doesn’t break curfew and get tackled by some of the talent running around Old Town Scottsdale the night before this week’s matchup against the cardinals. Drank would have beaten this team last week.

#2: The Three and Outs (4-6)

There is a freight train coming. Vegas currently still has Jack at a very enticing +600 to win the Championship, and I’m putting all of Luke’s College savings on the line. Jack continues to be wire waiver and free agency savvy, and has more playable running backs than the Patriots have had in the less 2 decades (with the exception of Rhamondre, who I have ALWAYS said would be a great great pick).

#3: Low Tee (5-5)

Jamison finally has a playable Bear. Sure, he keeps losing tough games, but Fields might be QB1 from now til January. This should be good consolation for the absolute crickets that Jamo’s invitation for a Bulls game received. Don’t feel bad Jamison, nobody visited me when I lived in Cleveland and that’s the Paris of the Midwest…

#4: Kupp and Down (8-2)

The second team that Drank would have beat last week, Kupp and down lost for the first time since opening week with 18 points. We analyzed Commish’s QB play in the mailbag last week, and another puzzle piece got added. Commish’s 2nd normal QB output (18.3 pts) resulted in his 2nd loss. This team might be better starting Zach Wilson at QB and assuming his measly 6 points will let the rest of the roster know they need to step up.

#5: Can we Re-Draft (6-4)

Byron is in timeout… he knows what he did.

#6: The Van Buren Boys (6-4)

Two losses in a row, would also have lost to Drank last week. Connor asked a ton of good questions in the mailbag, and I couldn’t get to them all this week, so I’m going to throw another tough one in here: What really happened between Tom and Giselle? I think the answer is quite obvious here, Tom clearly was a regular participant in the Sam Bankman Fried and Caroline Ellison wild FTX orgies… and Gisele was upset that she and her martial arts instructor weren’t invited.

#12 So Sticky it Hurts (6-4)

Well he did win two in a row… which takes the total amount of bets I lost last week to All of them…. Seriously guys, if you don’t hear from Byron or me it’s because two guys named Frankie Five Fingers and Big Ronnie came to visit us and we were last seen being forced into the back seat of a beige 1973 Chrysler Imperial. In a completely unrelated note can I borrow $20? But I’m leaving Scoones at #7 because Bigelow is going to absolutely squash him this week.

#8: Okwuegbunam Lowes (5-5)

W, W, L, L, W, L, W, L, W, L…. I’m guessing that pattern breaks this week with a tough matchup vs Jeremy. The team’s postseason hopes most likely rest on if Keenan Allen can get healthy at all, because Sutton is just a weekly bust waiting to happen.

#9 Jonathon’s Legends (5-5)

Legends is getting closer to full squad strength and might not be done yet. A matchup against Gano this week will likely push this squad back into the playoff picture, at least until 3&Out gets all the way to .500. I don’t think Jon has participated much in the group text since his fall from grace, maybe a wining streak will ramp him back up.

#10 I Don’t Gano what I’m doing (3-7)

Gano received a favorable ruling from the NFL, as they moved the Buffalo game to Detroit. Although I would have loved to see it, I don’t think Josh Allen scores his usual fantasy total if he had to high step through 3 feet of snow before launching his pass. The team has a winnable matchup this week against Legends, but needs to be careful to not fall into the lead for 2023 ranker.

#T11: Drank with Power & Nasty Nick (Both 2-8)

I’m keeping both of these teams tied until one of us can do something… Yes I would have beaten Nick last week, but Nick would lost a heardbreaker to the #1 team. Both great moral victories, which is all these squads are capable of, sad moral victories.

PICKS OF THE WEEK brought to you by Budweiser (they had $75M in spare advertising dollars after Qatar decided to not sell beer at the world cup less than 48 hours before first kick, but who could have foreseen that taking a huge bribe from a country with a long history of overbearing population and human rights controls wouldn’t work out just perfectly?)

Lock of the Week (6-1): 3&Out over Sticky – LOCK OF THE YEAR

Upset of the Week (1-6): OK over Mikes

NFL Spread (4-3): Cowboys -1.5 over Vikings