Week 5 Power Rankings

So I think I misnamed these, my predraft rankings should have been named preseason, preseason should have been named Wk 1, etc etc, and therefore I’m fixing that and calling these the Week 5 rankings because it’s week 5 of the NFL and it just makes more sense. Apple skips a number for the iPhone every few years, so why can’t I skip ahead in the rankings. I’m short on time after an awful work week that is far from over, so going to use the idea that came to me a few weeks ago as a fun way to give myself a break for the rankings. It’s Haiku Week Baby!

#1: Jonathon’s Legends (3-1)

Jon’s squad of legends,

Despite first draft pick a bust,

Still leaves us in dust.

#2: So Sticky it Hurts (3-1)

What is stickier

Justin Jefferson’s sure hands

Or the loins of Scoones

#3:Kupp and down (3-1)

Kommish my Kommish,

Highest scorer in the league

Will it last, we’ll see

#4 Can we Re-Draft? (2-2)

Chip Kelley dream team

Run, run and then run again

Team rises like cream

#5 Drop your Mikes . (2-2)

A team on the rise,

has pass catcher’s all over,

don’t blow it this week.

#6: I Don’t Gano What I’m Doing (2-2)

Bad luck in week four,

RB goes down, Sean needs help

Free Kittle he screams

#7: The Van Buren Boys (3-1)

Oh so terrible

This team and its dull dull name

Falls, falls, falls, what shame

#8: Okwuegbunam Lowes (2-2)

Preseason leader

A good reminder to all

No trophies in fall

#9 The Three and Outs (2-2)

Two wins in a row

Thirty-Six from his tight end

A tough team to rank

#10: Low Tee (1-3)

Congrats on the win

A trade and an injury

Team might be frisky

#11 Nasty Nick (1-3)

Still “Chase”ing a win

After opening week fluke

Which I told all so

#12: Drank with Power (0-4)

Sad lonely ranker

Optimism is just charades

Keeps making bad trades

PICKS OF THE WEEK (brought to you by Cost Less Auto Parts)

Lock of the Week (1-0): Ok over Sticky

Upset of the Week (0-1): Gano over Commish  

*upset is defined as team more than 2 worse in power rankings getting the W.

NFL Spread (1-0): CAR +6.5 over SFO

Authors note: Optimism is 3 syllables according to google, I checked…