Oh man… lose to the guy I traded away who had his breakout week. Took me until Thursday morning to get over that, and I still might not be (I’m definitely not, gunna complain about it at least twice more in this week’s rankings alone). Jack can I have my CD back? At least we have the London game this week, watching Luke and Cooper on a Sunday morning is much easier when I can put a football game on and completely ignore them. Without further rambling, here are your Week 3 Rankings
#1: Jonathon’s Legends (3-0)
Oh boy…. Full Chubb Alert for this team. Roster has the # 1RB, #1 TE, #’s 3&4 WRs and Jonathon Taylor is not included in in that group after struggling to sniff the end zone in back to back weeks. This team’s outlook is quickly getting to the point that I may take up Voodoo and start burning things. Legend’s has a softball matchup this week and there’s just no reason to think it will be anything but more of the same for our highest average points scorer.
#2: The Van Buren Boys (3-0)
TVBB has earned my begrudging respect. A very solid team built around excellent 1st, 2nd, & 3rd round picks. Team still lacks a bit of depth, and if Chubb continues to be as dominant as he’s looked for 3 weeks, Connor might have to “Hunt” for a new RB2. His best bet might be to trade a WR for an RB with this week’s opponent Byron, as that roster has the exact opposite problem.
#3: Okwuegbunam Lowes (2-1)
Knocked off his perch by the ranking committee’s favorite scrapper, Ok falls 2 spots this week with the Lowest total of the week. I was unabashedly rooting for him to score a few less, but alas the ranking committee still holds the two lowest point totals of the season. Injuries are starting to pile up for this squad quickly, but if the squad can push through some bruised toes and banged up knees, I still see strong results through the season.
#4 So Sticky it Hurts (2-1)
Well that Hurts bad… God damn’t Scoones. I talk you up, I commit copyright theft, and you lay an absolute egg. Justin Jefferson went MIA, Aaron Jones ran for 3 yards a carry and a fumble, and Sticky started all 3 of the wrong WR’s, with his 3 benched options scoring a total of 59 and the 3 he started scoring 23… Scoones wins bad manager of the week, our new weekly award that I just made up.
#5: I Don’t Gano What I’m Doing (2-1)
Gano moves up only 1 spot despite knocking off former #1 Blowes. Sean is 7th most in points scored and his roster may just be a bit too dependent on Josh Allen. Kittle has also failed to return to anything like the fantasy killer he was a few years ago, and with his new QB, I have Garrapalow expectations.
#6 Can we Re-Draft? (1-2)
Highest score of the week, 3rd most points all season now, but still below .500. Re-Draft is proving that maybe you can play of team of all RB’s. Adding to this theory is that fact that his QB had 107 yards and a touchdown on the ground.. Right now is where I think about spending 30 minutes figuring out who scored the most rushing based points this week, but that payoff seems too low. The odds are it was Byron’s team, so well just go with that. WR’s continue to be an absolute joke and prospects don’t look much better, but that just might not matter. A big matchup against TVBB this week could really shake the rankings up.
#7: Kupp and down (2-1)
Kupp and down was DOWN this week but still managed to get a W. Despite this, we fall in the rankings. In reviewing his performance, I am at a bit of loss as to why in the world he started Carson Wentz against the vaunted eagles pass rush and secondary, what a Goffwul decision. The stats would suggest I should have our Commish higher than this, but I view this roster as a bit upside limited until we see what Elijah Mitchell looks like in the middle of the year. There was also a 1 ranking spot deduction for not immediately changing to the best team name I’ve ever thought of.
#8 Nasty Nick (1-2)
Nasty lost the true pillow fight of the week, and didn’t have much in the way of anything to celebrate in his starting lineup. He does however have Khalil Herbert stashed on his bench, and whether David Montgomery is hurt or not, Herbert should be in line for that #1 job. The dude is averaging 7.5 yards per carry. We also had a Cam Akers sighting, so lets see if this team can have a bounce back week against some real Sticky competition.
#9 The Three and Outs (0-1)
The good news: Biggs won the matchup of the week in a knockout drag out fight that lasted late into Monday night (like I said, still recovering guys). The bad news: after a few years of keeping player safety and concussions out of the news, the NFL opened itself up to an enormous lawsuit in running Tua out 4 days after what was clearly his first concussion last Sunday. Without meaning to undermine the seriousness of tonight’s hit, it’s gunna be tough to overcome 2 points from a starting QB against a frisky Gano. Also the backup QB on Out’s roster is literally a backup QB, so I guess its slim pickings out there..
#10: Low Tee (0-3)
The streak of whatever team is playing Drank having a player or two go off on Thursday night continues, and that might be just the thing to turn Low Tee around. Some rumors about a McCaffrey injury are scary, but Swift being out for at least a few weeks gives Tee two RB#1’s. Kyle Pitts didn’t quite come roaring back, but the dragon might have woken up last week. We are guaranTEEd to only have one winless team after this week, and I don’t think it will be this squad.
#11 Drop your Mikes . (1-2)
Just two players in the lineup scored over 10 points, and one of them was a lackluster Brady against what I thought was a mediocre Packers D. Brandin Cooks continues to drop like a rock, and the bench doesn’t have much to offer in the way of hope. Stevenson finally saw the bulletin board material and responded, let’s see if that tricks Jer into starting him, he just better hope he doesn’t show up 1 minute late for practice because Billy B has been known to cut of his nose to spite his face (remember when Jonas Gray had 200 yards and 4 touchdowns on Sunday Night Football and never played again because his cell phone didn’t charge properly, I bet that guy hasn’t had a good night of sleep in 5 years). Anyways, this team still stinks.
#12: Drank with Power (0-3.5)
Only team to score over 100 and lose last week, finally had something going and lost to my former WR on an unbelievably lucky goal line tackle, only to watch them throw an end zone fade instead of handing it off to either RB… The outlook is bleak, and I think it’s finally time to tell my draft night story. I didn’t want to have to use it as an excuse, but I’ve got no choice. I made my first 7 picks while on a late night/early morning conference call with China. Supreme Leader Xi was yelling at me as I frantically scanned Matthew Berry draft guides, so this is probably going as poorly as expected. Xi will probably read this in the next 10 minutes with his internet spies, so if I’m missing next Thursday, Jeremy has to do the power rankings, I’ll send him the website password.
NEW SECTION, courtesy of Alex Hortch’s Greatest idea ever:
PICKS OF THE WEEK (brought to you by Cost Less Auto Parts)
Every week I will pick one “Lock of the week”, one “Upset of the week”, and one real NFL football game against the spread, and we’ll track the results.
Lock of the Week: Low Tee over Drank
Upset of the Week: Nasty Nick over Sticky
NFL Spread: ATL +1 over CLE
Until next week folks
Go Ducks Go Power Rankings 
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