Week 2 Rankings

Alright folks, we have two astonishing pieces of data to share before we do the rankings. The first, as previously mentioned in our group chat, is that yours truly went 6-0 in the rankings this week. The have’s beat up on the have not… despite rumblings and gripes about 1 -0 teams below 0 – 1 teams, the ranking committee got it right, and wants some more respect going forward. The second piece of data is that Byron scored the EXACT SAME amount of points the first two weeks: 108.92 down to the hundredths, just wild… Anyways, here we go again.

#1: Okwuegbunam Lowes (2-0)

Not scoring the most points in week 2 won’t knock Ok Lowes from his perch atop the power rankings. Blowes had good luck offset bad luck this week, with Chark putting up a bagel and the Tampa Bay defense posting a 25. Mixon looked mediocre, as did all of the Bengals. He might be in for a tougher season if Chase doesn’t spend all year falling down at the 1 for easy touchdowns. A tougher matchup against a frisky Gano might just give us our first new team atop the rankings since after the draft.

#2 So Sticky it Hurts (2-0)

Come on baby it Hurts so good! Just call me John Mellencamp because I’ll keep on singing praises of this team until the sun comes up. Jalen is the rock this roster is built on, and allows the team to weather weeks when Kirk Cousins couldn’t throw in into the ocean from the sand, which is pretty much how open Justin Jefferson has been for two weeks. Our former power ranker has found his true calling in focusing on roster management.

#3: Jonathon’s Legends (2-0)

Oh boy…. 4 Players scored over 20 and one of them was not team namesake and number 1 overall pick Jonathon Taylor. Legends quickly surpassed highest score of the year, posting 161.76, which is a score reminiscent of when this was a superflex league… God we change the rules a lot. A strong start against a bottom half team has Legends with a clear path to the top of our board.

#4: The Van Buren Boys (2-0)

Connor is 4th…

#5: Kupp and down (1-1)

What’s up… Commish lost in week one, had some bad roster injury luck, but the committee believed in our leader and it paid off. Kupp had the 2nd highest points of the week despite leaving four players who scored 14+ on the Bench! Um Soroush… you might consider starting Amari Cooper… He played pretty well tonight, again. Plus you could replace the “and down” in your name with a ranking committee’s favorite, the double name: Amari Cooper Kupp. Wait I just improved it: Amali Cooper Kupp (your welcome).

#6: I Don’t Gano What I’m Doing (1-1)

Let’s go Sean, Let’s go Sean! Gano rounds out the top half of our rankings again this week, and has a chance at knocking the belt holder off his perch this week. With a slightly below average points total, this is Gano’s big chance to prove they belong in the top half.

#7 Can we Re-Draft? (0-2)

Re-Draft is the only team to have scored over 100 points both weeks without a win, and has scored the 6th most points so far this year. But that’s not important, the important thing is that Matthew Berry, the WORLDS MOST FAMOUS fantasy football writer hates Re-Draft’s receivers just as much as the ranking committee. Seriously check it out, the only three on the list are the only three Byron could conceivably start this week. If that doesn’t validate my reign as power ranker I don’t know what does… A matchup against #1 doesn’t present much opportunity to rise this week.

#8 Nasty Nick (1-1)

Nasty moved up a spot, but only because those above him dropped like a rock. The committee is growing very concerned that the Bengals offense might have been a flash in the pan (do you think if I shit on the Bengals enough in these posts that Nick will trade me Jamar Chase? Help me bring down his value guys). The other concern, which this committee shares is that the Broncos might suck… too many broncos on a roster might not be a good thing.

#9: Full O’ Flexes (0-2)

There is currently a BOLO out on Kyle Pitts, and right now the committee is mostly thankful that the twitter community is blaming Arthur Smith rather than Marcus Mariota, but it’s something to watch. But if the teams third round pick is a bust, it’s QB is out for the season, and its best player is a walking injury, this might be the highest we see flex rise for the season.

#10 Drop your Mikes . (1-1)

Drop your Mikes dropped his pants and bent over for Sticky Loins. I continue to be unimpressed by this teams roster. Cooks and Dillon returned to the basement where they belong after outperforming in week 1, and I just don’t see much reason for hope on the bench. Expect this team to have a few peaks and a lot of valleys for the next 3 months. Also, do I make another Rhamondre joke? I think I do. I bet the guy Jeremy picked 90th overall doesn’t start a game for any team all season.

#11 The Three and Outs (0-1)

2nd Worst team in the league, 2nd least points scored, and they have a matchup against the bottom dweller Drank. However, Three & outs made their first trade this week and we know Jack can wheel and deal. There’s a lot of guys on the roster who have wide ranges for expected outcomes. If the team loses again this week expect the tradeline to heat up as our reigning champion tries to transaction his way out of the bottom.

#12: Drank with Power (0-2)

An average of 64 points scored, an absolute abomination. The committee tried to rally this week, stated optimism on the group text, and then checked the box score late in the 3rd quarter of Thursday nights game to see no targets for Freiermuth and a CLE defense that had scored 1 point and thought WHEN WILL IT STOP. Well boys, it stops tonight! Because after that Cleveland got a garbage time fumble recovery TD and the TE caught a few passes. This is our week, this is our time! I RISE NOW

Until next week folks…