Preseason Rankings

*Posted after the Thursday night game, as will be the standard cadence for the weekly rankings

These are the toughest rankings of the year, with little to go on, and none of the votes tallied. And thus the Power Ranking Committee (PRC) will go with gut feel, and perhaps what makes for the funniest assessments. I fully expect to be wrong.

#1: Kicker Greg

Blowes did it again, filling out a roster full of dependable studs in line for heavy workloads. Mahomes, Mixon, Swift, and Allen all are going in the top 30 in ADP on ESPN.com and the team might have hit a home run with deep ball threat Gabe Davis. The roster will need to depend on health and stability however, as the bench doesn’t posses much in the way of lottery tickets or upside.

#2 Only Fants

The Commish has the best WR room in the league, and a QB who is going to air it out every game. RB is a bit weak and a lot rides on J.K. Dobbins ability to recover from the torn ACL, but its a real strong start. Kupp is also looking like a strong candidate for Fant’s first keeper come the 2023 season. A post draft drop of this teams namesake however has started the clock for something new and better.

#3: Jonathon’s Legends

Legends performed admirably with the #1 pick, nabbing the obvious roster stud in Jonathon Taylor. The team also gets a B+ for its name change, creatively mixing a rostered players name and a solid pop star. Rounding out the roster is a ranking committee favorite, Chubb as well as superstar QB, medical expert, noted philosopher, and possible warlock Aaron Rodgers.

#4: Sticky Pittman

Like the roster, LOVE the team name. Hurts might not be elite in the real league, but he’s a monster with an incredibly high floor in fantasy (he scored 20+ 11 times last year!) The same can be said about the rest of the team, steady performers who aren’t likely to lay complete eggs, and that’s what the regular season is about – giving yourself a chance for a W each and every week.

#5: The Van Buren Boys

A Duck under center, two studs in Cook and Diggs, some nice upside with AJ Brown finding a new home on a very hyped Philly squad. TVBB gave the PRC no choice but to put him in the top half of the rankings. In fact, this team probably deserves to be a bit higher, but again, team name is a factor until its not. The roster is deep at WR and if a few work out better than expected lookout for this team to wheel and deal its way to an absolute monster of a squad.

#6: Squad D’Biggs

D’Biggs stayed loyal to his Seahawks in drafting Metcalf in the 4th round, this may prove an issue as sources tell me Paul Allen’s sister has named herself the surprise starting QB for the season. The rest of the roster has some notable names, though maybe ones that are on the downside of their real and fantasy careers. For Bigg’s sake, let’s hope Aaron Rodgers didn’t put some weird curse on his former #1 target before sending him to sin city.

#7 I Don’t Gano What I’m Doing

This team might Gano a little bit. Josh Allen is primed to run and throw his way to a $#@%load of TD’s this year, and Deebo will continue to swiss army knife his way to the top of fantasy rankings. The rest of the roster has some availability worries, but if Kittle can return to former glory, then look out opponents.

#8 Drank with Power

Drank had to put aside any hopes for being ethical and moral when they accepted the role as power ranker. Therefore the team had no qualms about drafting Kamara in the first round, and building a strong running back room. A bounce back season from Wilson and some luck in hitting on WR’s with high upside could have this team storming to the top.

#9 Cuppa Tee

Unproven, injury prone, not enough of Da Bears on this roster… Kyle Pitts is probably going to catch 1000 touchdowns from Marcus, so that will help, but maybe not enough. The name change keeps Cuppa out of the bottom quartile, but the PRC doesn’t see great things for this squad.

#10 Tan Mans

Does Byron know that Lamar Jackson isn’t actually throwing to the receivers on this squad? Shaky QB’s for both relatively uninspiring starting WR’s have this ranker concerned. I also have absolutely no idea who Dameon Pierce is, and given that he plays for the Texans, I don’t expect to be much better informed 17 weeks from now.

#11: Harry ButtKupper

I’m just going to come out and say it, I absolutely hate this roster. The Patriots don’t have an offensive coordinator or an offensive player worthy of a starting roster spot. Belichick’s relationships with running backs end faster than Leo’s after the girl turns 25. Add in the retread Brandon Cooked on his 24th team (estimated) and I just don’t see it for Buttkupper.

#12: Nasty Nick

Just like his starting QB, Nasty Nick forgot to do his homework, using the 29th pick in the draft on Cam Akers, who with just 3 carries on opening night, looked at best like a good Darrel Henderson Jr. insurance plan. This leaves a team with already shallow running back depth, drowning at the bottom of the rankings.